Random thoughts

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I am back

I am back. Back after a break of more than a year. Shame on me. Ok after that short and sweet round of self-condemnation its time to present excuses. Initially I was forced to take a break for couple of months because of the road accident I met with almost the same time last year. But later on somehow I lost the enthusiasm to blog regularly. I did keep my writing instincts alive by regularly posting articles to Kannada Section of Wikipedia (I am patting my back). I invite all the Kannadigas to contribute their time and writing skills generously to make Kannada section of Wikipedia the best Kannada encyclopedia on web. After that non-commercial endorsement let me get back to my story. I do intend to write regularly and guess what? I am now proud owner of 4 weblogs. Three of them on Blogger and one on JRoller.

Me Myself and I – My weblog in English on general topics
Cinema Cinema – My weblog in English on the movies that I watch
ಹುಚ್ಚು ಮನಸ್ಸಿನ ಹತ್ತು ಮುಖಗಳು - My weblog in Kannada on General topics
Chandrakanth’s Weblog – My weblog in English on Java and related technologies

Keep looking for my entries while I inspire myself to read a lot and write much lesser than I read, regularly. With all these reading and writing commitments, God(?) I feel like I am back in School minus those lovely girls in miniskirt uniforms.

BTW I am reading this wonderful book named Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Sweet siesta in the office

After two engagement ceremonies and 800+ km of travel rocked and rolled my last weekend, it was time for blues. The Monday morning blues. A cacophony of alarm, wakeup calls, motivating speeches and dreadful thoughts of impending deadline finally made me see the light of the day. The ever ticking clock showed 10 when I finally relented to the call of duty. When I hit the road all roads seemed to lead me back home. By the time fear showed me the path to my office, my colleagues had almost finished half of their day. Whatever was left of pre-lunch session was effectively killed by reading e-mails and e-newspapers. After a heavy brunch, I started taking stock of things. The work to be finished seemed like a mountain and being true to my homo sapien instincts, I started looking for an escape route. I tried few things to forget work for a while like smoking, gossiping, frequenting toilet, reading news papers etc. but my conscious mind faithfully kept on beaming the picture of impending doom. I finally realized as long as I stay conscious, there is no escape from such nightmarish thoughts. Well…. How about a short nap? I said to myself. Aha sometimes I can be so smart and wise. I quickly opened a command prompt window on my PC and typed “ping –t http://www.google.com/” and maximized the window. My command prompt window started printing messages every second fooling any curious onlooker into believing that I am running some script or executing some program or doing something worthwhile. The stage was set for a perfect siesta in office. I slowly leaned back on my chair keeping my face against monitor and slipped fast into the world of dreams. My 800+ km of travel had affected me so bad that even in my dreams I was traveling along countryside on a bumpy road. Suddenly everything started fading into darkness and within few seconds I found myself ejected out of my dream by harsh taps on my shoulder. I quickly wiped saliva trickling down from the edge of my mouth and looked back acting as if I was in a deep thought. Much to my relief I found the person who tapped was neither my manager nor a beautiful female colleague but a bum pal of mine. Without any hesitation or guilt or regret he asked if I could lend him a cigarette. I quickly reached for my pack and handed him a cigarette. He gave me a 1000 watts smile and went of without even saying a thank you. After seeing time on my watch I got extremely furious because of the fact that this cigarette beggar had ended my countryside cruise on the dreamland express with in 10 minutes of its flag off. As my blood started boiling and sleep started vanishing, my unthankful Mr. Smiley returned again only to borrow my lighter this time. By the time I handed him my lighter, my blood was evaporating. While despising his insensitive and apathetic nature, I made up my mind to get back on dreamland express again. I was very desperate and unabashed this time. I laid my head on my desk and tried real hard to get back to sleep. I was about to make it and there was a tap on my back again. Half asleep and half awake I turned back only to see another pal of mine. I was so confused at that point of time that I didn’t even ask what he wanted. I fished the cigarette pack from my pocket and handed him my entire pack. He was taken aback my reflex action and looked very confused. He kept the pack on my desk and hesitantly said he just wanted to know if I am doing well and if I need any medical help. This Good Samaritan’s genuine concern made my blood boil again. I felt like screaming “why can’t you mind your freaking business and allow me to do what I am supposed to do”. He quickly realized that he had pissed me real bad and immediately made a disappearing act. With sleep nowhere near my sight I was wondering what to do. After killing some more time staring at my monitor, I turned philosophical and decided a good siesta was not in my destiny and all the forces in the world are joining hands to ensure that. I started delving further deep into my philosophical thoughts and was in the process of formulating ideas for enlightenment of future generations; I was disturbed again by taps on my shoulder. This time I was neither furious nor excited as I had come to terms with my destiny. I turned back with a smile to see Mr. Smiley with my lighter. He gave a synthetic smile and left. I took it back and kept it in my pocket and started in his direction without any feelings and expectations. After moving few steps he turned back and said “Thanks man”. I returned a philosophical smile and said “No probs”.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Mission Statement

Today I attended a very interesting training session conducted by folks from our training department. Much to my surprise our country head took 30 minutes of his precious time to enlighten us on our organization's mission, vision and values as part of this training. The entire session was extremely well conducted and was highly interactive. Other than the intended objectives of his talk, we also got few tips on effective communication by just watching him. During his discourse, he conducted a small quiz. He read out mission statements of few organizations and asked us to identify the names of those organizations. I found this very amusing. Following are few interesting samples.

"To give ordinary folk the chance to buy the same thing as rich people"
-Wal-Mart

"To solve unsolved problems innovatively"
-3M (The inventors of widely used post-it notes and Sellotape)

"To make people happy"
-Disney

"To preserve and improve human life"
- Merck (The Pharma company)

"Quality is Job 1"
-Ford

"Crush Reebok"
-Nike

"Beat Coke"
-Pepsi

"Become the company most known for changing the worldwide poor-quality image of Japanese products"
-Sony (1950's)




Thursday, August 19, 2004

Brute force method

A Murphy’s Law states “If Analytical skills fail, use brute force”. Another similar law called William’s law states “There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength”. Today I had the great pleasure of realizing these facts.
Well.... the beginning of the story dates back to last year when I joined my present organization. Like everyone, I too was gifted a cubicle with a fancy table with a cupboard attached, an ergonomic chair, a cozy dustbin, expensive office stationary, a dumb headphone etc. Ahhh how good it feels to have a place of your own even if it’s just 5 X 5 feet in dimension. However the pleasure of enjoying my fully furnished shelter was short-lived as I happened to loose the keys of my cupboard. All my stuff in the cupboard suddenly became inaccessible. It made me feel like living in a house without a TV. Initially I thought I must’ve left keys at home, but after a week of home, body and soul searching, I decided to give up the hopes of finding my lost keys. The next logical step for me was to approach facilities help desk and request duplicate set of keys. As an honest to god employee I went straight to facilities helpdesk and confessed my act of irresponsibility. The guy there looked at me from top to bottom with a frown on his face making me feel like a schoolboy who hasn’t done his assignments. Without changing his expression he explained the process of obtaining duplicate set of keys. After completing all the formalities I finally managed to get the other set of keys but I was asked to get a duplicate set done at my own expense and deposit the spare set back with facilities. Once I got the spare set my intelligence got better of my regular law abiding citizen attitude. We were moving to new premises shortly and I thought why waste money on getting a duplicate set done? My left brain shouted “Anyways you would be getting a new cupboard and table in the new office space and it would be a smart of you to use the obtained spare set till you move and return it back when you occupy your new cubicle there by conserving some amount of personal fortune”. I diluted my integrity and developed instant selective amnesia. Time quickly passed and we were just few days away from moving to new building and I got one more jolt. On a sad Monday morning while suppressing the infamous and recurring Monday morning blues, I found I’ve lost the spare set of keys too. Someone said mistakes repeated amounts to crime and this time I was clearly a culprit. How the %&*# can I loose a spare set of keys that too when I was on the verge of moving to new place. My right brain did not spare any kindness and showered vitriolic vituperations on its left counterpart. After the rage against self receded, some sanity prevailed. I consulted some folks who could give me some suggestions with out making me feel stupid and ridiculous. It was almost impossible to carry myself to helpdesk again and cut a pathetic figure so I ruled it out. Finally after reaching my wits end I figured few ways out of this imbroglio. First I befriended front office security personnel and casually asked if anyone has handed him a set of lost keys without disclosing my pathetic situation. All my friendly efforts went in drain when he replied in negative. Next day I went to all my friends and asked for their cupboard keys with a hope that one of their keys will be similar to mine. I exercised enough care and restraint while asking for their keys and always maintained that I’ve left my keys at home. After trying more than a dozen of such keys I concluded that the supplier of our office cupboards is smarter than I thought. While trying several such unsuccessful methods I reached the penultimate day in the old office building which happened to be today. Today we were handed cardboard boxes to pack our stuff and get ready to move to the new haven. Clearly I had very few options with me and the likelihood of me getting a proper dressing down by facilities department turned northwards to cross the danger level. Finally I was at a staring distance from the moment of truth. I dunno what struck me at this point of time. May be it is a divine intervention. I suddenly reached my cupboard, pushed my legs against it and pulled a drawer real hard. I could feel blood gushing through my face and sweat beads lining up on my forehead. I stopped pulling when I heard small thud. I slowly reached drawer again and pulled it gently. Eureka!! It opened like my mouth. Hurrah!!! I had managed to break the lock. Finally my physical power achieved what my mental power could not, saving me from acute and obivious embarrassment. At this point I had what alcoholics call.....a moment of clarity (I am all apologies Mr. Tarantino) and saw how accurate Mr. Murphy and Mr. Williams have been in their assessments. With this new found knowledge I am moving to my new cubicle tomorrow hoping not to commit the crime of loosing my keys again.

Friday, August 06, 2004

The Guru

Guru is a Sanskrit word. Gu means darkness and ru means dispeller. Guru is the one who is enlightened and the one who brings enlightenment to his disciples. Our culture equates guru with god by saying “Acharya Devo bhava”. Most of us know the famous guru mantra, which again elevates guru to god status.

Guru Brahma Guru Vishnu Guru devo Maheshwaraharaha

Guru saakshath Para Brahma Tas mai sri Gurave namaha

Every year we celebrate Guru Purnima as a mark of respect to our teachers. Other than this we celebrate teacher’s day on Mr. S. Radhakrishnan’s birthday.

If I peek into my past, I see that I've learned under many teachers during my sixteen plus years of formal education. There have been some teachers who have made tremendous positive impact on me and are frequently remembered, there are some who have slipped down my memory lane and there are some whom I remember for not so good reasons.

Out of all my teachers I remember the teacher who thought me the music the most. She trained me and my brother in Carnatic classical music for many years without even charging a single pie. I have very fond memories of the time we spent learning music from her. When we started learning music, we were little kids full of play, laughter and mischief. She was kind and generous enough to ignore our lack of seriousness and silly pranks and teach music with dedication. Sometimes we used to get into one of our uncontrollable bouts of laughter, usually stemmed out of silliest of silly reasons. It must have been very though for her not to loose patience with us. She always managed to find some time for us despite of a tight schedule. The “Thyagaraja Aaradhane” days are still green in my mind. All her students used to assemble at her house, she used prepare big meal for all of us, everyone used to play and sing whatever they’ve learnt and used to take her blessings. Today if I can appreciate music, understand its beauty and allow it to enrich my life then, it’s all because of the foundation she laid.

One more person I often remember is my no-nonsense high school math teacher. I always used to score good marks in Geometry much because of his ability to put things in an idiot proof way. He was our school headmaster too and by default was very strict. My respect to him was always offered not because he is strict or headmaster, but for the strength of his character. He commanded respect from all quarters of student base. During my three-year stint in high school, He never left any part of syllabus incomplete, never took special classes and still ensured that everyone scores good marks in the subject he taught. I took math and science private tuitions from him during my 10th standard. Well thanks to him managed to score a good score.

How can I forget my Sanskrit teacher? Honestly he was no good at teaching, but I was one of his pet students probably because he knew my family well and was from the place from where my forefathers hailed. I’ve never been trashed, whipped and caned by any other teacher as much by this gentleman, but there was always concern and affection underneath. I used to be his favorite target whenever he felt like quizzing his pupils. I somehow used to answer few of his questions, but there were few topics that required us to learn by heart and I was too lazy to do that. Invariably I used to get caught regularly and used to provide him a reason to exercise his arms. I still remember the day when I got to see how much affection he had towards me. Once, a friend and I were caught red handed by our English teacher playing some prank inside the classroom. Much to my misfortune, that day our English language teacher was not in good humor. Who knows? He must’ve fought with his wife. Even after couple of rounds of caning, boss wasn’t satisfied. He ordered us to take our school bags and stand in front of Head master’s room so that everyone in the school know that we were being punished for some terrible crime. Many teachers passed by and asked why we are standing there. After hearing our dismal story, some preferred to scold us, some preferred to slap us, some preferred to whip us and some were extremely apathetic and they just ignored us, some looked at us with with victorious smile as if their stand was finally vindicated. After sometime I saw my Sanskrit teacher coming our way. First thing that I could think was a free lecture filled invectives followed by heavy duty slapping on head and generous doses of ear twisting. He saw us from distance and looked shell shocked. He pulled me aside and asked what I am doing in front of head master’s chamber hanging my school bag. Mentally preparing myself for the impending doom, I hesitantly blurted out the tragic turn of events that happened on that eventful day. He just looked at me once, said something that I couldn’t decipher and walked away to staff room. I was so relieved and started believing that luck too sometimes can be kind and generous. I was explaining what happened to my fellow convict, much to my shock I saw my Sanskrit teacher coming back to us again. He was still wearing the same grim look that he put on when I talked to him earlier. I thought I was little too early in drawing my conclusions about luck. He ordered us to get into classroom immediately with our bags. I don’t know what kind of truce he brokered on our behalf with our English language teacher. We were pardoned and set free from the exile right away. As we were leaving, he summoned me back and gave me a lecture on why my parents have sent me to the school and how I should behave etc. etc. Nothing went inside my head, as I was busy experiencing his love and concern for me. It seems he always told my father that I have great potential, but I was little lazy. Well… now that’s something debatable.

One more teacher from my high school days whom I fondly remember is my History Teacher. He was a hefty bald headed man who had lots of stories and interesting facts to tell. He was my favorite teacher then and I used to eagerly wait for his classes. If I can still recollect some of the historical facts, it’s because of him. His sessions on Harappan civilization, Egyptian civilization, Greek and Roman empires, Vijayanagr Empire, The world wars, Indian freedom struggle etc. are still etched in my mind. During later part of 9th standard, I started moving around with a gang of blokes who were addicted to smoking, movies and bunking classes. My History teacher knew my father quite well and wasted no time to complain to my father about the company I was entertaining. Hell hath no fury like a young man deceived. I immediately plotted his downfall and deposed him from the favorite teacher throne and started taking less interest in classes. But it did not take much time for good sense to prevail thanks to approaching exams. He was resurrected and given attention from then on. But his treacherous act was not forgiven and forgotten for long time.

I was adolescent, volatile and extremely reserved during my pre-university days. I never liked to be noticed and recognized by my teachers. I usually hanged around with the so-called “bad boys”. We were notorious for answering attendance call for an absent friend.

We were an adventurous band that took pride in getting duplicate report cards printed, mailing it home after generously giving ourselves good grades without forgetting to forge Principal’s signature. Some other adventures included trying to leak examination question papers, bunking classes in front of a lecturer, setting up cracker-time bombs etc. Initially I disliked almost all lecturers of that time but after my bad boy hangover receded a bit, I realized there is one wonderful physics lecturer who is unconventional and cool. Boss never gave lectures from examination point of view and always stressed on students understanding the subject. Thanks to his principle, he invariably used to fall behind the schedule and used to conduct special classes on Sundays. He should be proud of the fact that he was the only privileged person in this whole damn world, who could make my ass move to attend a special class, that too on a Sunday. His approach was unique and full of sense. His commitment to elevate his students to higher levels of consciousness was unquestionable. Those were great qualities to imbibe for impressionable minds like mine.

During my pre-university days, I attended private tuitions conducted by a chemistry lecturer. He was in great demand those days and people used flock around his house during the time of admission. He was extremely good at his work and probably had ability to teach chemistry to a dead log of wood. Armed with interesting set of analogies, he used to make toughest of tough concepts appear simple for us. One hour of his lecture used to pass like few minutes and used to leave us longing for more. I scored around 80% percent in II year pre- university exam chemistry paper. No prizes for guessing the man behind my success.

My engineering days were great fun but I didn’t get to meet a lecturer/professor who could impact me positively. In my humble opinion, they were far too mediocre and did their jobs mechanically with out bothering much about students. I too had become quite independent then and many times preferred the combination of self-study and bird watching to be more viable than a boring and lifeless lecture.

The most brilliant teacher ever to make a profound impact on me was the one with whom I interacted least. I joined a course on Unix internals and C in a very reputed and highly rated institute. It was an audio-based training. Our teacher had recorded his lecture sessions on an audiotape. We used to get course materials and audiotape to listen and learn the subject. Initially I was very skeptical about the whole set up, but later found my doubts were unfounded. He was a teacher who had tremendous industry experience and a great love for teaching. He was a great source of inspiration for many and had a huge fan following. He had developed an amazing technique filled with humor, stories, analogies and anecdotes that made us crack hardest nuts of Unix and C programming with tremendous ease. Many of his students used to get placed in most reputed IT firms of that day and usually used to leave their interviewers insecure with their amazing grip over the subject. I haven’t seen a teacher like him in my life.

After I got employment in the field of my interest, I have attended several trainings and lectures. The trainers were always too hard pressed for time to make any kind of strong impact on me.

Many times I feel we don’t give teachers the respect they deserve. They were the rays of light that showed us the path to success. To what extent we succeed is entirely in our hands but the road to success undoubtedly was shown to us by our gurus. It makes me sad when I hear the ladder, which I used to toil up, is no more. This article is a tribute to one of my teachers who recently passed away. He taught me mathematics during my pre-university days. He was a good teacher and a highly respected man in my town. It seems there was huge crowd of his ex-students and friends during his funeral. He also was my Father’s contemporary and a friend, which leaves me more nervous and shocked.


Tuesday, July 27, 2004

The buzz of a busy bee

The word “busy” is a great savior for this mortal human world. It can get one out of many tricky and not so comfortable situations with tremendous ease. Did you intentionally or unintentionally forget to keep an appointment? No problem ma’am/sir. Promptly announce you were busy with loads of work. You can slip away like sand from all the troubles you brought upon yourself. Believe me, it works like miracle. The frustrated soul who has been waiting for you to turn up and whose frustrations have now transformed into F16 bombers to blast you gets immediately pacified like an infant who has been shoved with a rubber nipple or pacifier.  The other person’s anger melts like ice and you will be pardoned from definite death penalty and a good thing about this is you don’t even have to apologize.  If you are lucky and your nemesis is low on IQ and high on EQ, you may end up profiting his/her sympathies.

If you are too lazy to tidy your house up or if you can’t make your mind to clean yourself up or if you don’t feel like taking any responsibilities and initiatives or if you don’t feel like honoring your commitments and promises or if you want to avoid some people, one thing that works like silver bullet is the excuse “I am extremely busy with my work”. Laze around; flirt with female/male colleagues, boost your popularity cracking dirty jokes to like-minded colleagues, take 20 coffee breaks and another 10 cigarette breaks, indulge with internet for graffiti and gossip, remove all the words from your vocabulary that closely or remotely means “efficiency” or “effectiveness”, forget the deadlines but don’t forget to get back home late and advertise to your near and dear ones how busy you had been the whole day. You look impressive, sincere, hardworking and appear like a loyal warrior waging a mammoth war to keep the firm’s figure in shape.  Forget others, sometimes our own conviction in our busy state grows deep enough to make gods insecure and jehadis look ridiculous.

Being “busy” also helps you to make your boss a villain and provides an opportunity to bash him/her left right and center.  Oh yeah we all need some one to bash up either physically or emotionally or mentally else we’ll end up either in NIMHANS or on some peak of Himalayas. It also gives you an access to attain the ultimate pleasure of criticizing the whole world around you. Ah what a rapture. It’s like having multiple orgasms on a full moon night. You get to blame your boss, blame your organization, blame the stock holders and investors, blame the board directors and their policies, blame the HR department, blame the finance department …well everyone but yourself and still be a hero like Ulysses (or Odysseus) who goes on and on and on despite all the adversities. It helps you become a person of character and conviction.

You know what? After more than 10 days, I’ve come up with a posting. No prizes for guessing the reason behind this. I was too freakin’ "busy"


Friday, July 16, 2004

Sweet Culture

Folks in our office are slaves to a strange culture. I prefer to call it “Sweet Culture”. We frequently get a blank email with subject “Sweets at my desk”. What the heck? I will be busy waging a loosing battle against all powerful and mighty siesta after hogging generous volume of free lunch. I will be desperately waiting for an email with some entertainment value so that I could save myself from embarrassment of being caught snoring with mouth wide open.  During such trying times I get this dead as wood blank email with a sweet subject line. Such mails bring tremendous fury and frustration in me and greatly disturb my internal peace for many reasons.
Firstly, after gobbling up to dangerously high "neck level", mention of the word food can cause eruption of undigested lava from my protruding belly.  This surely degrades hygiene level in the work environment and results in loss of productivity of my colleagues. Unmindful of such a risk, some spamster crook bulkmails his charity. This is the primary reasons behind my hatred towards spam.
Secondly, I find difficult to accumulate enough energy to walk length and breadth of the office to locate this moron’s desk, fight with fellow contenders for my piece of fortune, give a synthetic broad smile and say thank you and finally walk back to my desk like a war hero. When I refuse to answer Mother Nature’s call during this hour how can one expect me to answer this idiot’s call?
Thirdly, many of these folks use this act of generosity to advertise that they are foreign returned. In this era of globalization tell me an edible thing that is available abroad and not available in Bangalore.  They just allow others to hog meager quantity of chocolate with a ulterior motive of hogging huge limelight.
Fourthly, some people use this to propagate their religious beliefs to atheists like me. They come up with a blank mail with a devotional subject line “Thirupathi prasadam at my desk”. First of all they get couple of free laddus in Tirupati. After distributing it among family and friends they will be left with half or a quarter of a laddu. Look at their audacity. They invite entire office of 300+ staff to fight for that quarter piece of laddu. I prefer to brand them sadists. They enjoy watching people fight for a laddu grain.
Finally, some need no reasons to pose like Danashoora Karna. Once a good fellow sent us all a mail declaring “Mysorepak at my desk”. Due to extreme pressure subjected on me by my neighbours, I agreed to accept his charity. My dream of eating ghee soaked soft and delicious Mysorepak was dashed immediately after I saw it. Only the invisible god knows which road side cart produced that academy award winning piece of sweet. It was hard as stone, had smell of used groundnut oil, and brought strange expressions worth recording on the faces of people who consumed it. Finally as part of the mandatory custom that must be followed by every recipient of charity; I thanked him and posed him a question with utmost curiosity. I asked him the reason behind this Mother Theresa act. Our pal with out taking his eyes of the monitor coolly replied. “No reasons. I just felt like distributing sweets”.  Next day a quarter of the office applied for leave giving variety of reasons like tummy trouble, stomach upset, loose motion, dysentery, diarrhea etc. etc. and other three fourth was seen making beeline near toilettes.
 
With great determination, I am planning to inspire someone to raise this issue during all hands meeting and urge our country head to ban this not so “Sweet Culture”.